Bring Mama Another Beer

"Where's mah shissers and niddles? I'm gonna shew me a new shirt!"

Feeling Blue

For the times when you want the world to know you've given up all hope.

One More Time Around the Block

Well, she DOES have her jogging shoes on.

We Were Just Watching TV!

The newest offering from the "OMG, I Think My Parents are Home" collection.

Doesn't Fluffy Look Cute in Her Little Sweater?

If giants kept us as pets. . .this is the sort of thing they would make for us to wear.

It's Almost Dinner Time!

Wash your hands and sit at the table. . .it'll be ready the day after tomorrow.

Maybe One Boot, One Stiletto?

It's obviously difficult to remember which leg needs to be kept bent to make sure those hems are even. . .

Charwoman Chic

Can you play "Roll Out the Barrel?"

I see the leather harness straps, is the accordion hidden under that hideous dress?

Shock and Awe

Someone had eaten Marjorie's yogurt again.  She tried to stay calm but the people in the break room had no idea that they were about to witness the most aggressive display of black chiffon ruffles since the '98 Christmas party debacle.

HULK GIRLFRIEND MAD! HULK GIRLFRIEND SMASH!

Looks like Dr. Banner forgot to put the lid down on the toilet again.

Igneous, sedimentary, and metamorphic.

Majestic. . .like the view from the south rim of the Grand Canyon. . .but wider.

Choose wisely, Grasshopper.

At these prices, it's one collar bone, or the other.  You want to show 'em both off?  Pay retail.

Just keep telling yourself that. . .

Zulily described this collection as "must have," "chic," "sleek," and "whimsical."  All good things to keep repeating to yourself as you sit, shivering, nearly naked, on a public toilet with this thing gathered in a heap around your ankles on the filthy floor.

Exhibit A

It's a bold statement, but someone on the forensics team is bound to notice sooner or later.

So Many Questions. . .

Is the fringe attached to the shirt?

Are those shorts under there?  A mini skirt?  Is that all part of the shirt and she's not wearing anything on the bottom?  Will this shirt make me look like I have a loose flabby belly too? Why are her legs attached wrong?

Matchy-matchy!

I wouldn't want these pants without the matching shoes, 
that would look just ridiculous. . .

. . .instead of completely hilarious. 

Can I borrow your napkin?

Sew proper

There was a time when sewing was an important part of a woman's household duties.

What well intentioned housefrau could resist this sort of life advice from the Singer Corporation?

Or, you could put your dirty hair in a ponytail, brush the cookie crumbs off your sweatshirt, chase a couple of Valium down with a half a bottle of wine and see how far that gets you. . .

"Thank you" to Crystal for pointing out this hot mess!

Young at heart

I really hope this includes the matching pair of ruffled panties!

All business

"Okay, it looks like everyone is here.  Before we get the meeting started, would anyone like something to drink?"

Just a few inches. . .

. . .and you make the transition from jauntily posing Barbizon graduate to Executive Assistant at The Ministry of Silly Walks.

The dictionary is your friend.

ebb [eb] noun

1. the flowing back of the tide as the water returns to the sea.

2. a flowing backward or away; decline or decay.

3. a point of decline.

On second thought. . . this might be exactly what they meant to say.

Circle of Life

She appears to be in need of a suitable, marshy, location, in which to deposit her eggs. . .

First Lady

New this season from the 

Eleanor Roosevelt Collection

Snarky comment credit goes to KLF

Fashion Scents

There seems to be a problem with this design. . .

 . . .but no one nose what it is.

Frankly my dear. . .I don't think that'll wash out. . .

I imagine this is what poor Scarlett's pantaloons looked like by the end of the war. . .

Put this on and leave the back open. . .

Hospital gown chic.