Thursday, September 11, 2014

What a DEAL!

You can put all the money you saved toward crutches and physical therapy!

Monday, September 8, 2014

Don't make me say it again!

Yes folks, the only thing that makes these hideous shoes even remotely appealing is not part of the deal!  Not a single dinosaur toy will be included . . . nope. . .no colorful tiny dinosaurs for you . . . nada. . . you did see that the toys weren't included, didn't you?  
If Pee Wee Herman had a Sister, who was a nun. . .she would like these shoes. . .but only if they included the damn dinosaurs.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Droopy drawers.

"I just wish there was some way to make my legs look shorter. . ."

. . .said no woman. . .EVER!

Livin' the dream!

You know that nightmare where you're grocery shopping and you suddenly realize you're only wearing underwear?   

Friday, September 5, 2014

Don't start the party without me!

The decorations were pretty ho-hum 
. . .until Beverly made her grand entrance.


Nothing says "this needs brown cowboy boots" quite like ankle length, aqua and white lace palazzo pants!  I can't help but think this looks a bit like an ensemble someone would put together after they lost all of their worldly possessions in a house fire and had to resort to wearing whatever they could find in Grandma's storage locker.  The maternity panel-esque waist band is a snazzy addition to the whole look too.

Thursday, September 4, 2014


I'm trying to decide which would be worse. . .seeing someone's dirty, wadded up, socks pressed up against the inside of these boots. . .or seeing someone's wrinkled, prune-skin, bare toes, steaming away in them. . . 

The Photoshoot

Model: "Should I put my hand on my hip?"
Photographer: "No."
Model: "Do you want me to smile?"
Photographer: "No."
Model: "Maybe it would look nice if I. . ."
Photographer: "No."
Model: "I could. . ."
Photographer: "No!  Look, this is a WORKWEAR collection!  This dress is all about desperation and despair!  It's about giving the best years of your life to a company only to see that witch Judith get the promotion instead of you!  All you have is this dress, an empty apartment, and a bowl full of Ben and Jerry's at the end of the day! Do you understand?"
Model: <choking back tears> ". . .yes. . ."
Photographer: "Good. . .now WORK IT, BABY!"

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

No more running and playing for YOU!

That'll slow her down!

Stripes are hard!

This beauty was pointed out by my friend Crystal.

This is an excellent example of why it's important to MATCH stripes when you sew.  Of course matching stripes makes it impossible to use every last bit of fabric and for $14.99 this seems to be the best they can muster.  This particular jumpsuit features mismatched stripes on the bottom AND crooked stripes on the top!  Just imagine. . .someone. . .someplace. . .sewed this together. . .and then someone else inspected it and said "sure, that looks fine". . .and then someone completely different chose this jumpsuit, and this one alone, to be sent to Zulily as a sample for the photograph that would be used to market it.  Think about that for a moment. . .this was the best of the bunch.  Keep in mind folks. . .Zulily doesn't allow returns!  LOL!

Blue and Green Chevron Jumpsuit . . .so ugly I had to start a blog about it.

In luxurious, hand-washable, hang dry, polyester. . .whether you're out on the town. . .or looking at it in the laundry basket. . .this garment will have you wondering why you ever purchased it in the first place!